What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.Remember this: meaningful sex isn’t primarily about a particular (1 Corinthians 7:4; Ephesians –32) — and only in the God-appointed context of the marriage covenant.The discussion we have could end up helping many of them out.Let’s start with the basics: this girl has a boyfriend.Or will you constantly be worried that when things get rocky, she may leave you for the next Mr Nice Guy with a shoulder to cry on? Look her in the eyes, and say this: ‘I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not waiting around for you to decide that maybe you’re going to break up with him for me.I’m worth more than that, and I deserve better than to be your backup plan.Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.
As a ground rule, if a woman is seeing someone else, you don’t owe her anything.
Any judgment she casts on you doesn’t matter, because you’re not her boyfriend. Sure, things may not be going well with her boyfriend, but what are you supposed to do? This means you’re interested in self-improvement, which is a big deal in this modern world of watching TV and doing nothing after work. The only thing is, you’re probably falling into the nice guy trap, where you cringe when a woman gives you the stinkeye or says something mean to you, The problem with this type of girl is that she’s not an overtly bad person. No secret kisses, or behind the back love affairs going on. She wants the affection Winfred is offering, without giving him any commitment. This is a perfect situation of someone trying to have her cake and eat it too. He can’t hold her, kiss her, have sex with her, or get emotional support from her. You asked me what you should do, and I will give you an answer.
She doesn’t have the right to stake her claim on you, or prevent you from hooking up with anyone else. Sit around holding your balls hoping she’ll dump him for you? You’re working hard on yourself, and becoming a better man. Thus it’s easy to think she’s a good girl in a crappy relationship, and her boyfriend is a bad person. It doesn’t matter what she tells Winfred, how much she loves spending time with him, and how great hanging out with him is. She’s got her boyfriend for sex and dinners and whatever. All he gets from her is the jealous treatment if he goes for another girl. He does have something: a jealous woman who doesn’t want him to hook up with other people, but doesn’t want to commit to him either. You need to cut her out of your life, for a few reasons.
And for the love of baby Mario, stop falling for girls that have boyfriends.
There are plenty of marvellous single girls out there just waiting to meet you, and if you follow the instructions in my dating course, you’ll get a new girlfriend in no time!
The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.